


Perfect

by bevin



Category: The Dolan Twins, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Big Brothers, Brother Feels, Brotherhood, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fanfiction, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt ethan dolan, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Little Brothers, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Protective, Protective Siblings, Protectiveness, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Self-Reflection, Self-Worth Issues, YouTube, stop bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:41:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23783317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bevin/pseuds/bevin
Summary: Ethan Dolan was someone everyone usually deemed as strong.The hate comments supposedly didn't effect him just because he didn't address then, just because he was a YouTuber.But he's cracking under the pressure of all of the hate piling atop of him even more so when he finds that there's a website made just to hate on him.It pushes him over the edge but Grayson's not going to let him deal with this alone.Ethan's never truly alone.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	Perfect

We still up for dinner after we get done filming'' Grayson questioned as he spun himself computer in circles while sitting on his black leather computer chair. It was just something to keep the boredom away. Twisting his head ever so slightly as he looked expectantly to Ethan. Ethan merely looked at him with a sense of fondness as he ''Sure.''

Grinning slightly at the reply Grayson continued.

'' Great! I heard this new restaurant called Katsuya just opened up!'' 

Ethan merely stifled a laugh at the excitement in the younger man's face. Grayson's face immediately turned red at the laughter. '' Shut up!'' 

But it did little to stop the laughter from bubbling past Ethan's lips. Grayson whined indignantly frankly the younger man didn't appreciate being laughed at much. When Ethan's exaggerated laughter finally did subside he gazed at Grayson before speaking.

'' I have to go edit the audio, it's not in sync with the video I should be able to fix it. I'm not sure how long it will take though.'' It was a warning in itself to not wait up if Grayson was truly hungry now and they both knew it. 

''Ethan why now out of all times?'' Grayson ground out irritably as Ethan only shrugged deflecting the question expertly. 

'' Well get to work I'd like to get there before they close.'' It was meant as a playful jab but Ethan only winced slightly before nodding. He took his metallic blue laptop within his hands before walking to his room. 

~~~

A slight tap rang throughout the room as Ethan repetitively tapped his long thin fingers on the oak desk. He stared at the laptop as the audio rang on. It was frustrating him to no end. Ethan wasn't new to editing was quite good actually after all of the years of YouTube he had to be good to get the following that he had. But no matter how hard he tried the audio just wouldn't sync with the pace and times that him and Grayson were speaking. 

Groaning in frustration he finally slowed down the tapping so he could finally let himself think. But his mind strayed to a place that wasn't so great. He and Grayson had gone through a lot lately. They had suffered a lot of losses and felt a lot of pain through each one of them. It was terrible but they had overcome it all and come out stronger than ever. They still had each other despite it all and that's all that truly mattered. 

And sure editing videos wasn't all that fun at times but it never took away the passion he had for YouTube. Frankly, he cherished it just as he always had. Couldn't imagine doing anything else if he was being honest but at the same time YouTube was stressful. Nobody seemed to realize just how stressful it was, constantly being viewed by the public and having people who idolized him and Grayson got hard at times. They had started this for fun when they were younger and neither of them had really expected their channel to blow up as it had. 

So to have people idolize and look up to them while they were just trying to grow and find themselves was hard. It never got any easier either it only got harder when people started expecting videos when the comment section got bigger as they got more hateful. No, it never truly got any easier and as hard as they tried there content never seemed to satisfy everyone's needs. 

Ethan tried not to think of that as he leaned forward slightly. Looking at his work he sighed quietly he wanted to admire his work truly he did but as he looked at the thumbnail that he had worked so hard on he couldn't help but just critique it. Sure it looked nice and had been worked on for a while but it would still never be good enough. Videos that didn't have clickbait in the thumbnail or title often didn't do good. But he was just too exhausted to do anymore with the thumbnail and he hated to clickbait. 

Continuing his work he listed a catchy title and listed their social media accounts in case anyone needed to contact them for anything business-related and for the fans. Taking one last look he made sure all the subtitles matched before looking at the time. 

Grayson still hadn't come and bothered him to leave yet despite the fact that he'd been working for hours and probably wouldn't do so for a while so that gave him time to check the comments of past videos. 

Really it was a bad idea and he knew it, he never let Grayson read comments because while there were good comments it was mostly hate. None of it was really directed towards Grayson they were rather directed at himself. And he knew that he also knew how protective Grayson was and that he would completely lose his usual calm and collected manner. Grayson would freak out without even realizing it, had done so before and it wasn't really what there already tattered image needed. 

Really it wasn't fair that he was reading the comments but he couldn't help himself. He felt slightly guilty but continued anyway. 

A small smile graced his lips as he read to himself through the seemingly endless comments. There seemed to a bit more positivity than usual. Not much but just a little, a little positivity went a long way though. 

Until it didn't because there it was the hate that he had been expecting. 

It was a vile comment in itself and it was directed towards him of course. His smile stayed intact still although it seemed forced, it slowly dropped and his eyes widened as he took in the number of likes the comment had. 

Two thousand likes was a lot for a comment, much more than any positive comment had ever gotten. Before he realized what he was even doing he quickly tapped the read more button. 

Not a single person defended him in the slightest, in fact, it was a whole thread of people agreeing with the problematic comment. Scrolling down a while he finally came across a link. He froze slightly before bringing his face closer to the screen in barely concealed anticipation. Clicking on it he couldn't help the somber look in his eyes as he gazed at the title.

Ethan Dolan Haters United it read.

Mentally berating himself for getting so upset over something as simple as this he continued checking out the website. He had come across countless of websites like this directed towards him. And had even come across a website where people had started a petition to shave Grayson's mustache. Most of the websites were harmless really sure they weren't nice but as long as he ignored it then it didn't harm him. 

This one was different though, this one was absolutely cruel. The comments held pure disgust and hatred within them as if he had done something personally to them. They didn't even know anything about him other than what he wanted them to see and what he showcased over the internet. So for people to dedicate this much time to design a well thought out website like this was ridiculous. It wasn't even a simple website either it had clearly been time-consuming and there were even keywords that could be searched up for specific things to hate on. 

Trying to even out his breathing that had started to quicken he continued searching. 

Really he should be used to this he told himself. You're a YouTuber what do you expect? For people to just have there love over on a silver platter and not have a single thing that they dislike about you? Yeah, right Ethan be realistic. People weren't always going to like him and it wasn't as though the hate was without reason. 

Even Grayson can't stand him [link]

Clicking on the link from the admin he ignored the way that the mere comment struck home. Grayson was the only true friend or family that had been by him throughout everything. And he knew that he annoyed Grayson really he did but to see if so blatantly pointed out hurt. 

As the link loaded he realized that it was a 16-minute video of him annoying Grayson from there videos and snap chat stories. He watched it flinching at every gesture of annoyance that Grayson gave. The video finally ended but he found himself hitting the replay button this time just letting it sink in. 

He was annoying so annoying that there were countless of websites about it, even videos made of his own twin being fed up with him. He took in every action that seemed to annoy Grayson and decided that he would fix this. He would fix himself and help Grayson by being a better less annoying twin. 

He'd be the twin that Grayson always deserved. 

Finally having enough he went down to the comments below the video and let the comments sink in.

This video should be 20 years long.

I mean when does Ethan not annoy Grayson?

He's so annoying I don't understand how Grayson has the patience to deal with him. 

And then there were the countless comments regarding how ugly he looked since he cut his hair. And then there were the ones about how annoying and exaggerated his laugh was and of course, there were the ones on his acne which he was already self-conscious about. 

It made him just want to hide his face, curl up into a ball and never leave. But sadly that was not the case

'' Eth! It's been long enough im hungry!'' Grayson yelled from down the stairs. 

Groaning but making no attempt to move he just sat there numbly really he wasn't feeling dinner anymore he didn't want to force Grayson to be around him more than he had to be. 

Hearing a thud of footsteps his door suddenly opened as Grayson stood in the doorway. 

'' Ethannn! Come on im not kidding im really hungry don't make me call you E- Tee- Wee -Tee in front of everyone at the restaurant because you know I will. '' 

And okay that definitely got him moving. Swiftly shutting the laptop halfway he followed Grayson out the door. 

~~~

Ethan knew he could do this. For once he could give Grayson the peace of not having to hear him drone on and on about meaningless things. Grayson didn't deserve that he'd already had to deal with that for twenty years. So he tried to keep himself silent only speaking when he was directly being spoken too otherwise only nodding and listening to what Grayson had to say. Forced himself not to laugh at any of Grayson's jokes, he tried hiding his face discreetly as much as possible.

Really anything he could do without raising too much suspicion but Grayson knew immediately that something was wrong. They had grown up together as best friends and inseparable brothers nothing could get past Grayson. The younger merely looked at Ethan worriedly as if he had grown a second head as Ethan messed around with his food. He hadn't touched it at all as he thought of all the comments telling him that his body weight was repulsive. 

''Eth? '' Grayson asked softly bringing his hand forward and snapping Ethan away from his thoughts. When Grayson knew Ethan was listening he continued. '' Are you okay? You just..off I don't know how to describe it.'' 

Ethan couldn't stand the look of concern on Grayson's face. He didn't deserve it, never deserved it all he did was annoy Grayson after all. Before he even realized what he was doing he pocketed his wallet and grasped enough money to pay for both his and Grayson's meal. He softly shoved it towards Grayson's surprised face before opening his stupid mouth.

''I'm fine, I just need some air im sorry. Don't wait up'' he said before continuing, '' I-I have things to do.'' 

He didn't wait to hear Graysons rambling and instead took off without a destination in mind. 

~~~

Ethan never acted like this Grayson knew more than anyone. He wasn't sure what had triggered the strange behavior or if it was his fault but it concerned him. He had seen the look on his brother's face as the money was slammed down onto the table. And there was no other way to describe what he had seen other than complete self-hatred. It hurt to see because honestly he had never seen such an expression on Ethan's face and hoped he never would have too. Quickly paying once the waitress came over he got a box for Ethan's food and made his way home hoping that his brother was still there. 

He arrived home looking around for Ethan. His twin was nowhere to be found which was problematic in itself. As he crept his way into Ethan's room he took note of the lack of lights other than the half-shut computer. His curiosity getting the better of him he walked over to his brother's laptop and opened it. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust and when they finally did he gasped out of horror at what he saw. Bringing a hand up to his mouth to stifle his sobs he quietly spoke. 

''Oh...Eth''

Before he knew what he was doing he was running. Running faster than he ever had before as his feet ran on there own accord to Ethan's favorite spot to go too when he was upset. His pace quickened and his breath came in short puffs as tears streamed down his face. But still, he continued even when he felt as though his lungs were on fire he continued because it was for Ethan. The park came into view and he still didn't see his brother in panic he halted to look. Finally, he spotted his brother who stood a good distance seeming to be leaving unaware of the oncoming car. 

Eyes widening he screamed Ethan's name in a hoarse voice. Ethan looked around in shock at the scream still not realizing where it came from before he knocked to the ground. Having been knocked a good distance away he was now sprawled across the sidewalk instead of walking on the street. Ethan stared from his place on the sidewalk as he took in the sight of Grayson. 

Getting up he ignored the aching in his bones from the fall as he helped Ethan up giving him a once over looking for any damage. Aside from a few cuts, he seemed fine. 

Neither spoke for a few moments before 

''What the absolute fuck was that Grayson!?''

He just started taking in the sight of his brother, the one he could have just lost before a broken sob forced its way out of his mouth. Ethan's eyes softened and before he knew it he was grasped in a hug. It made him sob harder. 

''Gray, I'm sorry I just got scared. Are you okay?'' 

And that did it before he knew it his eyes were blazing with fire.

'' No, I'm not okay! I could have lost you-...''

''Grayson, what-..?''

'' I know Eth,'' Heaving a sigh he continued hoping to not get cut off this time.'' I saw the comments Eth, I know.'' 

He pretends not to notice Ethan's terrified eyes as he went on. 

'' I was worried and I know it's not right to snoop but I just couldn't leave whatever was going on knowing that you were hurting. So I went to your room looking for you and do you want to know what I found Eth? '' 

'' W-what?''Ethan's eyes watered as he spoke. Feeling himself take a breath he faltered but knew it needed to be said. 

'' Everything Eth, gosh I saw everything. Those comments are so very disgusting but you've got to know how untrue they are, '' as he saw Ethan shake his head he paused momentarily slightly pained at the rejection. '' You've got to know none of its true and yet when I thought about it all made sense. How closed off you've been lately, how you keep trying to change yourself and how strange you acted at dinner it all made sense but Ethan-...'' 

'' Yeah, G-gray?'' 

''Look at me Ethan, please I need you to look at me as im saying you this.'' As Ethan finally met his eyes he continued his voice softening. 

'' I also saw what you were looking at the comments telling you to kill yourself'' Ethan paled and a pained grimace took over. '' And just god Eth you can't leave me like that, just knowing that you wanted too...'' 

'' I wasn't going too'' Ethan muttered meekly, '' Thought of it but I wasn't going to I couldn't leave you alone like that. Not after what we've been through''

He found his heartbreaking because of course, Ethan was thinking of him even while suffering like this. It was such an Ethan thing to do and he wished the people who had dared to comment all of those vile things could see just how amazing his brother was. 

''Right...but just Eth you've got to talk to me we could have sorted this out together you are never alone and I can't imagine a life without you I wouldn't want it.'' 

''S-so I don't annoy you?'' Ethan spoke hesitantly. 

'' Of course, you do we're brothers we're meant to annoy one another but we do it because we love each other. But I love it, I love when you annoy me because it shows that you care and because you're you. Nobody else has the right to say anything like that to you. Your perfect Eth truly you are but this side of you? This isn't you. It's never you. '' He pulled Ethan in for another hug as he rested his head on his brother's shoulder breathing a sigh of relief when he felt Ethan cry. He held him tighter as the tears stained his shirt he didn't care because Ethan was finally letting himself feel. 

'' I love you so much Eth'' he said as Ethan's hands curled into his shirt.

And he'd be damned if some haters ever made Ethan lose sight of that again. 

Okay, so I wrote this because I've been seeing a lot of hate on Ethan Dolan and other YouTubers that really don't deserve it. Just because someone is a Youtuber never gives anyone the right to hate on them or practically dehumanize them. They are humans they still feel and have emotions and what you say hurts. Ethan shaved his head for his father and it's an amazing thing to do that takes so much strength to take something like that out of your identity. We take hair for granted but it's some people's safety net and he's so courageous for doing that. And everyone bullying him for his acne needs to stop, it's something that everyone has dealt with and he's been under a lot of stress lately which can cause breakouts. Ethan is still as amazing as he's ever been, he's still the same person with the same amazing personality and if his appearance ever makes anyone doubt that than they were never a true fan, to begin with.


End file.
